Mushka

Tags

change, doubt, faith, fear, guidance, hope, ideas, insight, inspiration, limbo, motivation, muse, mystery, perception, uncertainty

 

Mushka was a character from a dream,

mystery the underlying theme

I looked for her everywhere

she was nowhere to be seen

One day when life became threatening,

obscure and unpromising,

as fear and uncertainty forced me

into a state of limbo on a park bench

she appeared, holding a paper bag in her hand

and sat next to me

 

Opening the bag, she offered me a sandwich

and a drink, and asked, “Why so pensive?”

“I don’t know what to do,” I said.

“Are you seeking guidance?”

“Can you show me the right way?”

“Right or wrong is a matter of perception,

it depends on who you are.”

unwrapping the plastic cover of her lunch,

she bit off the corner of the bread and munched

 

“I no longer know who I am,

the dream thieves have stolen my ideas

and hopes.”

“You must have let them in, ” she said

and sipped her drink.

I pondered on that as I watched her eat,

Did I not lock the doors and the windows,

did I allow them to intrude my mind?

Doubt must have done that,

perhaps by defeating Faith.

“I must find her to get back on the right track.”

“When you do, you’ll have the answer,

but eat your lunch first, an empty stomach

is a poor start for seeking insight.”

 

I turned my head, the seat was empty,

Mushka had disappeared,

the only evidence of her presence, a paper bag

holding the wrappings of her inspiration sandwich

and an empty carton of motivation juice.

Darkness

Tags

apathy, collective consciousness, darkness, discomfort, heat, indifference, introvert, limbo, permanent gloom, temporary weather conditions, tolerance, unnatural atmosphere

 

It’s dark and the stars are hiding

behind a veil of mist

even the moon seems paler than before

sweet slumber beckons

yet, it’s impossible to sleep in comfort

in the humid atmosphere,

despite the toils of the ceiling fans

 

the neighbours have retired to their homes

no one is outdoors, lingering with a drink

over chit-chat on trivia

and how to save the world.

 

 

Laughter seems to have escaped from our lives,

uncertainty, fear and doubt

have turned us into introverts,

seeking comfort in our own shells.

 

I try to close my eyes and sleep,

I can’t, the heat is unbearable,

maybe it’s time to seal the doors and windows

of my private shell and turn on the a/c.

 

I lie in my bed, soaking up the cool air,

through my cells, into my system

maybe that’s what the neighbours are doing, as well,

creating an unnatural atmosphere

to cope with the prevailing one.

 

Are they sleeping,

or are they contemplating like me?

Are we in a state of limbo, apathy,

as we appear to be,

or can we do

something about this?

 

I know we cannot change the weather,

but we can try to alter the circumstances

of uncertainty and doom

that threaten our existence,

which in turn might increase our tolerance

for the temporary conditions

of extreme heat and discomfort.

 

It’s worth trying,

unless we are inclined to allow this darkness

to last forever.

Dilemma

Tags

action, dilemma, dreams, duality, father, hope, limbo, wisdom

 

Photo by Carrie Anthony on Behance

 

In remembrance of my father, and all the fathers on Earth and in Heaven, on Father’s Day and always …

 

While loading the supermarket bags into the car, my father’s words echo in my mind. “Be sensible,” he used to say to me in my childhood. I never understood why he said that as I wasn’t being naughty. I thought he meant “be a good girl.” Now when I think about it, maybe he meant “be wise,” rather than docile.

 

He has been on my mind, lately. Perhaps the reason why his words come back from the past is because in my recent actions wisdom has escaped me. What is wisdom? I guess it’s seeing beyond what seems to be. Filling in the blanks and perceiving the different shades rather than just the opposites. Despair makes one blind to the hues and the truth always lies in the nuances instead of the obvious.

 

So, I know he wants me to use my wisdom to get out of this blind state of duality in worldly matters. Think big, imagine and dispense with the shadows of fear and doubt. Be bold, have faith in your course and carry on, without looking back. If only …

 

The weather forecast was for a bright day. The sun did shine until around noon, then became overcast with dark clouds. A gloomy sight despite the warm atmosphere. Just like life. So many promises made, yet something happens and things become dismal when they’re not kept. Still, it’s also possible to be sad on a sunny day, and blissful on rainy and stormy day. So I have to find a way of managing my equilibrium on this overcast day of my life. I can only hope and manifest my dream in my mind. Maybe that’s a step closer to wisdom than becoming a slave of the attachments that are paralyzing my moves.

 

Let go and move on. Release yourself and breathe.

 

I go home, carry the bags to the kitchen, and sit in front of the computer. I have a number to call to make the first move. For some reason the number doesn’t connect me with the person I need to speak. I persist and find a contact, who knows this other contact, and finally I receive the e-mail address and the valid phone number in the middle of the night. If I send out that e-mail, things will start rolling. I go back to sleep, composing the message in my head.

 

I awake with these thoughts. I make coffee, play a couple of games of Solitaire while my mind clears up. I write the message and hit send. Step One taken. Tomorrow or sometime this week, Step Two or Plan B.

 

I have another cup of coffee and play three more games of Solitaire. I’m winning. At least I have done something, something that might release me from the current state of uncertainty and limbo. It may be a temporary solution, but a solution rather than a constant dilemma, eating me away like cancer.

 

“I know, I know,” I say to Ego. “Shut up. I need to live.”